MERRY CHRISTMAS OR IS IT?

I have been rather ambivalent about this fast approaching Christmas. I have not finished decorating my house for Christmas. I look toward Christmas with some apprehension and should I say it, dread. I, with immense help from my hubby, as I had no ideas whatsoever what to get for anyone, purchased one gift for each adult in the family, and some a second gift, and I have wrapped them all, but I am still not in the mood for Christmas. We purchased several gifts for our one and currently only grandchild, and I have wrapped them all, but even the anticipation of Samantha's delight in her presents has not brightened my mood. I have played Christmas music on the car radio and the house radio, and marveled in the amount of snow we have on the ground this year. Most recent years it has been pretty dry up to Christmas, which always dampens my mood, but this year with the snow, instead of fostering a Christmas spirit, the snow has done nothing except be a nuisance. I even watched for about the 40th time, How the Grinch Stole Christmas the cartoon, with my youngest daughter. I did not even want to sing along with the Whovillers. For some reason, Christmas time has become the time I mentally tally up all my loved ones who are no longer on this earth to celebrate Christmas with me. Today it occurred to me that the only one left from the generation before mine in my family is my cousin Eddy, who is 80 this year. Eddy was my Aunt's child, but he was born only 10 years after my father, so I always count him as in my father's generation, not mine. And I miss them all. Then comes my son's annual ba humbug e-mail and I come crashing down. He does not want to give presents to adults. He says we all have enough stuff we do not need any more stuff. Of course he is right, but what about the joy of getting and giving gifts. It is not the gift that matters, but the giving of it. I get more joy when I give then at just about any other time in life. You might say that is why I spent over 30 years doing Social Work. I loved and love giving of my time and talents and possessions. I believe, despite my youngest daughters concern that I am not spiritual enough, that I was called to do God's work among the less fortunate, the less able, and the less stable, more vulnerable members of our society. Despite working for a government entity, I even prayed with some of them, and of course prayed for them. How my son, could not feel joy in giving, will forever remain a mystery as though I have asked for an explanation, the ones he proffers ring hollow to my ears. I hope to salvage the situation by compromise. I think it is time that our family adopts the Secret Santa program. Everyone draws a name of someone else in the family to be a Secret Santa for the next Christmas. With Secret Santa's, no one would have to give presents to everyone, but everyone would get at least one present. What do you think? I would like to hear from those who have tried this or something similar in their family. How did it work?